You have discovered the twelfth of thirteen secret pages hidden within Velvet Mafia's 13th issue. Try your best to uncover all thirteen hidden surprises from our family members...

 

“Problems” by Jameson Currier

1. The primary cause of homosexuality among males in large urban areas is due to:
A) Heterosexual women in urban areas.
B) Musical comedy.
C) The School of Visual Arts.
D) Personal Trainers.

2. Mr. A lives in a large urban area of over 12 million people. One out of every ten people are gay. Mr. A is a homosexual male. What is the probability that he will have a date on Saturday night?
A) Twelve million to one.
B) A million to one.
C) Fifty-fifty.
D) Depends on the chat room.

3. Which of the following statements are true?
A) A good man is hard to find.
B) A hard man is good to find.
C) A bad man is easy to find.
D) An easy man is bad to find.

4. Mr. A is standing at a bar. He considers himself moderately attractive. Mr. B is standing beside Mr. A Mr. B is very handsome. Mr. A would like to introduce himself to Mr. B. Should he:
A) Offer to buy Mr. B a drink.
B) Ask Mr. A about the weather.
C) Spill his drink on Mr. B.
D) Tell Mr. B he resembles a celebrated porn star.
E) All of the above.

5. Suppose Mr. A is older than Mr. B. Mr. A is 45 and Mr. B is 20. Should Mr. A:
A) Offer to buy Mr. B a drink.
B) Offer to buy Mr. B for the night.
C) Offer to buy Mr. B a friend, Mr. C, who is also 20, for the night with the agreement that Mr. A can watch.
D) Rent a video.

6. In the following set of words, which one is different.
A) Commitment
B) Honesty
C) Trust
D) Relationship
E) Sex

7. SEX. LOVE. Do these words:
A) Have similar meanings.
B) Provoke similar actions.
C) Have contradictory meanings.
D) Provoke different actions.
E) Mean neither the same nor the opposite.

8. All gay men want sex. Sex is fun. All gay men are fun. Assume the first two statements are true. Is the final one:
A) True.
B) False.
C) Not certain.
D) Depends on the outfit.

9. Which question should not be asked on a first date:
A) Have you ever been in a relationship before?
B) When was the last time you had sex?
C) How long have you been gay?
D) Where did you get that tattoo?

10. There are three men standing in the same room with Mr. A) The first man, Mr. B, is an incredible lover. When Mr. A and Mr. B have sex it is electric. Mr. B, however, does not believe in relationships. Mr. C believes in relationships but sex between Mr. A and Mr. C is infrequent and awkward. But Mr. C is very nice and has a very stable job in the six figures. He owns a house and a dog and he is also smitten with Mr. A Mr. D has known Mr. A for many years. They are best friends. Solve for each of the following conditions. Who does Mr. A chose for:
A) A husband.
B) To meet once a month on a Thursday night while he waits for his clothes to dry at the laundromat.
C) To go with him to Disney World.
D) To be stranded with on a desert island.

11. LOVE is the opposite of:
A) Hate
B) Anger
C) Bitterness
D) Sex

12. The best sex is the kind that lasts all night. All good things last only a night. Are the meanings of the above sentences:
A) Similar.
B) Contradictory.
C) Neither.
D) Depends on age.
E) Depends on the sex.

13. LONELINESS. SEX. These words have:
A) Similar meanings.
B) Similar results.
C) Similar frustrations.
D) Similar conclusions.

14. Another meaning for HEALTH AND HAPPINESS is:
A) A good night's sleep and a decent job to go to in the morning.
B) No frustration and no job to have to go to in the morning.
C) A good bowel movement and money in the bank.
D) No humidity and a lover on Saturday night.

15. Mr. A's new boyfriend, Mr. B, goes out of town for the weekend. Mr. A attends a party alone where he runs into two of his previous boyfriends, Mr. X and Mr. Y, both of whom make it known that they are currently single, available, and hot to spend the night with Mr. A) Mr. A believes in trust and commitment and making a relationship work. Mr. B, Mr. X and Mr. Y do not. Should Mr. A:
A) Spend the night with Mr. X.
B) Spend the night with Mr. Y.
C) Tell Mr. X and Mr. Y that he must practice what he preaches, that by going home with either one of them, he would be creating a double standard in his relationship with Mr. B.
D) Believe in double standards.

16. For extra credit, substitute Mr. B for Mr. A and solve.

17. Mr. B returns from out of town and invites Mr. A to have lunch with him. Mr. B does not show up. What excuse does Mr. A believe?
A) Mr. B forgot because he's under a lot of stress.
B) Mr. B forgot because he was working.
C) Mr. B forgot because he thought he was still out of town.
D) Mr. B forgot because he hasn't been sleeping well.

18. INSOMNIA. COMMITMENT. These words have:
A) Similar meanings.
B) Provoke similar fears.
C) Cause migraine headaches.
D) Require similar prescription drugs.

19. The most important factor in a relationship is:
A) Sex.
B) Love.
C) Honesty.
D) Trust.
E) Compromise.
F) Compatible astrological signs.

20. Mr. A is NOT jealous of:
A) Mr. B's ex-lover.
B) Mr. B's gay co-workers.
C) Mr. B's work-out partner.
D) Mr. B's hairline.

21. GUILT is:
A) Hesitation and suspicion.
B) A source of sorrow.
C) Always jealous.
D) Never having to say you're sorry.

 

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