Familiar words brought Christian out of the silent darkness.

No, no, no.

“Look at me.” Jerry instructed.

Please, not again.

Christian did as he was told. His eyes roamed over Jerry’s body; at the muscles of Jerry’s chest, abdomen and legs, finely sculpted from many days spent at the gym. Jerry’s skin was smooth and unblemished, so perfect it appeared as though he were molded out of dark chocolate. Looking at Jerry’s body always made Christian’s mouth water, eager to run his tongue over every inch.

Ironically, Christian discovered that Jerry’s skin always carried the faint taste and smell of vanilla.

Christian’s cock hardened, involuntarily.

Jerry laughed.

“You’re cheating, and only I’m allowed that luxury. I want you to look me in the eyes.”

Christian did not want to, but he was incapable of disobeying Jerry’s wishes. As always, when he raised his green eyes to meet Jerry’s brown, he felt as if he had stuck his finger in an electrical socket. He could not believe that the lines of power connecting him to Jerry weren’t visible.

“Now, I want you to tell me that you still love me.” Jerry commanded.

“I still love you.” Christian responded, automatically, yet truthfully.

“Show me,” Jerry said. “Make me believe you forgive me for just getting my brains fucked out by your best friend.”

Christian walked over to the bed and sat down beside Jerry. Rationalizations ran through his mind: It was just sex, it didn’t mean anything. It was Tony’s fault; he had always liked Jerry and had finally taken advantage of his and Christian’s open relationship.

Meanwhile, Christian’s hands, lips and tongue roamed the places on Jerry’s body where his eyes had previously. A deep moan of desire formed in his chest, so forceful it was painful. The taste of vanilla was intermingled with the taste of sex and sweat and Drakkar Noir, the sickly sweet cologne Tony always wore.

Even though repulsed, Christian was still unable to control his attraction, his base animal desire for Jerry. As he leaned over to take Jerry’s cock in his mouth, Jerry’s hand on his chin stopped him.

“Save some for later.” Jerry said, mockingly. “Kiss me.”

Christian covered Jerry’s mouth with his own, his tongue probing everywhere, sucking greedily, trying to devour the flavors of the other man that were in his lover’s mouth.

Jerry suddenly and roughly pushed Christian away and again looked into his eyes. The pain in Christian’s chest grew larger, overwhelming. He wanted to speak, but could think of nothing to say that would lessen the hurt. Desire and anger, love and hatred; all fought for dominance. The fact that all he saw in Jerry’s eyes was amusement did not help his turmoil. However, wasn't there a glimmer of something else, some emotion more sincere?

”I pity you.” Jerry said.

Pity, yes. That is what it was, Christian thought.

“Why?” Christian asked.

“You disgust me. You never had the courage to fuck Tony yourself so you readily forgive me for doing it just to get the opportunity to taste him on me.”

“Don’t say that…”

“Why not? It’s true.” Jerry interrupted. “You are so pathetic. Just a puppet, and I hold your strings.”

Christian could not handle the accuracy of Jerry’s statements. He did not want to experience anymore of this, wanted to stop what was happening and start over again. To have the ability to change this entire situation, or just one word—but that power was not in him. The pain in his chest grew, became too much and exploded from Christian with the ferocity of an alien birth.

“Why does it give you so much pleasure to know how much you are hurting me?” Christian yelled, angry tears coursing down his cheeks. “Well, fuck you! I won’t give you the satisfaction, not anymore!”

Jerry looked truly shocked, for a moment. Then he smiled and clapped his hands.

“A good performance! I give you an “F” for having the fucking balls to even dare say something like that. However, we both know that for all your grandstanding the fact remains that I own you. You are mine, and will be until I decide I’m through with you.”

Christian stood up and turned his back on Jerry. The weight of the pistol in his jacket pocket felt like a millstone, keeping him rooted to the floor, preventing him from leaving. Although just an inanimate object, Christian felt as though even it had more willpower than he did.

“One day you are going to push me too far.” Christian said.

“And then what?” Jerry responded. “You don’t have what it takes to hurt me. The best you could do is kill me, and if you did that you would be killing yourself.”

“So be it…” Christian whispered. He turned to face Jerry again, and the gun was there in his hand as if by magic. The shot sounded preternaturally loud in the silence of the room.

The blood that flowed from the wound in Jerry’s chest was so red against his perfect dark-brown skin; reminding Christian of what biting into a chocolate covered cherry looked like. His strong desire to suck the fluid from Jerry’s nipples, like a baby suckling at its mothers’ breast, appalled him.

Christian leaned over for one last look into the windows of Jerry’s soul, hoping to finally see what he needed. However, the only love he saw in Jerry’s eyes was a reflection of what was in his own.

“Just try and live without me.” Jerry whispered smugly, as his eyes glazed over and saw no more; even death did not remove the arrogance within them, and in his smile.

Christian closed his eyes. Screaming in frustration, anger and horror at what he had just done he raised the gun to his temple. Another shot rang out, and then there was nothing.

Familiar words brought Christian out of the silent darkness.

No more, no more…

“Look at me.” Jerry instructed.

Please, no. Not again…

 

© 2003 Kai Venice - Contributor's Bio